Yes folks, I've been blogging for a year! Crazy how fast time flies huh? 

Its been a blessing, and I admit that I being wrapped up in my own disappointments and busy schedule sometimes didn't feel like blogging, but the Bible calls us to offer a SACRIFICE of praise, meaning that its not always easy or what we want to do. But in the midst of it, I always find peace in writing, and I just thank God for this medium for me to reflect on my own growth and learned lessons and to share with others! Over the year, I've gotten a lot of encouraging feedback about the content, and even had two articles featured in So Divine Magazine! I'm so encouraged that my own learning can encourage others too!

There's pretty much no doubt about it. Though Spring technically starts next week, we can see the signs that it came to the NorthEast a bit early this year. People aren't wearing coats anymore, people are walking a bit more slowly outdoors and taking the scenic routes. Its the time pretty much everyone has been waiting for for the past 4 months. The warmth right?

I don't like driving to the city on weekdays, so I took the bus today. On my way home from the city, I found myself limping into the bus stop. After getting on the bus, I found myself in a bit of pain whenever I sat with my feet flat on the ground and had to stretch my legs out for some comfort. "Yup" I said to myself "this is Spring!" Anyone with tendinitis(like myself), or who's ever sprained something knows what I'm talking about. You feel the season's change each time- and for me I feel it more as it gets warm, not so much when it gets cold. Tomorrow I'll be getting some Claritin too, because come 2-3 weeks, those oh so pretty plants will be leaving pollen all over the place I'll be needing some antihistamines! LOL. The interesting thing about this is that I never thought of these extra nuances and Spring to-dos in the winter while trying to de-ice my car or walking to a train stop. All I could think, was "geez, Spring can't come fast enough!" And now I'm here with a whole 'nother set of complaints. 

It's human nature to be like this. Not right, but its our nature. Take the story of the Hebrew people. They complained in Egypt, and once they got out, they complained and wanted to go back! " In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the LORD’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.” Exodus 16:2-4

As of late, I've really been learning in multiple ways that there are two ways to look at every situation - dwelling on what you have and dwelling on what you don't have. God promises us everything that we need, but not necessarily every thing that we want, or at least not always on our time. That leaves us with good and less preferred sides to most phases of life. Paul found, and thank God he shared the secret to happiness: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:12-13. I have to learn to focus on what I have, which ultimately is God.

In the fall, I have to focus on the changing colors of the leaves, and maybe pull out a sketchboard and canvas to celebrate how I love to draw, and how much I love those colors! In the winter, I have to love on my boots, furs, turtlenecks and other apparel! (Winter apparel is my favorite!) In the Spring, I get to pull out those bright colors and hats. In the Summer, I should make sure I schedule in lots of beach time and catch the ice cream man as often as possible. God's given us something to look forward to with every passing season, and that's what we're supposed to focus on. Never mind that there are birds chirping and waking you up earlier than you intended. Or that the bugs, and allergies are back to bother you. I had to be reminded of this as of late because there's A LOT that's been keeping me down recently. But I thank God for this word of encouragement that I got, and that I get to share it with you all as well!

As always, stay blessed. I hope this was encouraging to you, and thanks for stopping by!

Curious where it all started? Check out my 1st inspirational post HERE.
Curious what articles were featured on So Divine Magazine? Check them out via the links below:
--So Divine Feature: "Choose Life" 
--So Divine Feature: "Since God is for You, Try Not to Be Against Yourself"

Happy Valentines Day world! I have always loved Valentines Day! With the exception of one year when I was dealing with a super recent breakup, I've always looked forward to Valentines Day, whether single or with someone just to wear something pink and celebrate love in general! Even today I'm sporting a pink and black dress with a blazer over it and pink floral accessory :D. Today, I was reading Revelations, and it got me thinking about New Love. (yes, Revelations got me thinking about love, lol) You know, the feeling when you first fall for someone and you just see stars and roses everywhere, lol. And then the contrast 6 months to a year later, when it [hopefully] is still love, but it requires a bit more work to keep things as exciting, but of course, if you really love that person you put in the work, time and compromises to make sure the other person is happy. 


But of course, since this is my inspirational blog, you know this post isn't really about that kind of love, but the love we have for God. I remember when i first got saved, I went home all giddy and made a pact with myself that I wanted to have that feeling - the feeling of God's spirit descending on me every day, and so I would dedicate at least 30 minutes each morning to sing, pray, read my Bible, prostrate or do whatever I had to do to get my praise out. I could hardly hold it in! I told everyone about it. "Hey Fey, you coming out tonight?" No- I'll just stay home and read some scriptures, or head to Bible Study. I just wanted to spend time with God. It was so easy and so natural. I know someone reading this has felt this at some point or another about a guy/gal you just met, lol and many also when you first were saved. 

I'll give myself just a little bit of credit that I kept with that for a very long time, though as time went on, it got harder. My schedule got super packed and it wasn't so easy to get up that extra 30 minutes early to pray so enthusiastically - and sometimes at all. And knowing myself, I have the least energy at night and admittedly fall asleep (as opposed to purposely going to bed) many nights, so the evening prayers didn't exactly makeup for it (and sometimes didn't even happen). I had to start talking to myself in the morning "this is important. God needs to see my heart. This has to be a priority." I never had to give myself pep talks before - what was happening? Then I went through phases where I just went through the motions and hardly stopped to pray. Overslept a few times and didn't pray at all. How did I go from really getting to know God more and more, to just being there? 

There's something to be said about how special new love is. Its giddy. Its carefree. Its exciting. But there's so much more to be said about making love a priority, and making it work. 

Of course everyone knows who that is on the right. America's favorite couple! (or at least mine) Barack and Michelle. What's so amazing about them, is their sense of togetherness - even with their crazy schedules and responsibilities. Even though Mr. President is running for office, trying to save the economy, signing and defending so many bills, appointing people etcetera, everyone knows that Friday night is date night with his wife, and something super crucial has to come up for that to cancel. Same with Ms. First Lady. Although we all love her beauty and sense of style - she also was a very busy and successful lawyer before becoming the first lady, and now spends time supporting the President's endeavors, his campaigns and in so many speaking engagements and campaigns of her own - but Friday night is her time with him. I can't say that I know everything about their relationship, but what this says to me is that they are a priority to each other, even with the other super pressing things happening in their lives. They make sure their relationship is never overlooked and that their love never burns out for each other. 

Very few of us are as busy as the President and Mrs, but how much do we really work to preserve this kind of love - almost bottle that new love towards God and the people in our lives? How often do we have an excuse as to why we don't have time to do God's work? How much do you prioritize it and protect it, like you would a first date with someone you like?

No one likes to be last on the priority list. I'm pretty sure no one here would really be happy or stay with someone who only gave their left over time, but didn't make an effort to show you love each day. The Bible defines love largely as sacrificial and in terms of actions that you have to work towards:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. " 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Patience takes work - you have to take the time to consider the other person. Kindness takes work - you have to make an effort to actually do kind things. Keeping no record of wrongs takes A LOT of work, lol. Protecting takes work - protecting time, feelings, safety for someone else. Persevering by definition takes work. Love requires work. How much are we working to show God and others love?

In closing, I'd like to share the scripture that got this all started. I'm sure you're also wondering how Revelations could ever spark a whole thought train on love [read it a bit more often, there's a lot of good stuff in there ;) ]

"You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first." -Rev 2: 4-5

Remember the things you did when you first found Christ, and return to them. Give God that daily kiss/praise like the picture to the left! Remember to also share that love with the people around you! People need it. I'm speaking to myself too, but wanted to share it with everyone as well. Stay blessed, thank you for your readership, and have a super awesome Valentines Day!! 

wait/wāt/
Stay where one is or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens.

First of all, I want to thank God once again for this blog, and also thank you for your readership! Its a pleasure to have this outlet, and to be able to share as I learn....or in some cases seek more information during this Christian walk!

I really love Google images. I'm always able to find a great accent image to go with what I'm feeling, such as the image to the left. Its a picture of a woman all dressed, hair flowing and made up (she has some fly shoes on too, but the dress was short and tight, so I cropped the bottom 1/2 out, lol) She's ready to move and walk into a fun night but waiting on something first, most likely a car service or date to come get her first. She's done all the preparing, and now all she wants to do is move, so she focuses her time on staring out of the window until it happens. Not watching TV, sitting on the phone, surfing the net to pass the time......all she wants to do at this point is move.

It reminds me also of a pretty classic episode of Sex in the City. Now before you crucify me, I don't really watch the show anymore, but there was something interesting about this particular episode. Carrie moved to Paris with a man, and was waiting for a fantastic first night out on the town once her boyfriend came back from a 'quick' visit to his museum exhibit. Now Carrie had dreamed of going to Paris all her life, and decided to take a chance....walk on faith if you will that moving to Paris with this man would be fun a would work out.  She wore one of the most fabulous dresses I've ever seen, really detailed makeup---I mean the works. And at the end of the day, she was stood up. And this kept going on over and over again. After  trying to do all of the right things, pass as much time as possible visiting museums and coffee shops to enjoy her current situation and to just be ready when it comes. But after a while, Paris became a really disheartening place to be, even though it was the place she dreamed about all of her life. She was waiting for so long with no glimpse of change in the near future.

In many ways, I'd have to say that I'm there now. There are so many amazing things happening in my life which are awesome, and which I've been hoping for my whole life. But on the other hand, there are a few other things which I've been looking out of the window waiting for......and really I guess instead of looking out, I've been looking up. I've prayed, fasted, vowed, and done all kinds of things also in the physical to prepare myself for what I'm asking for, and it seems that its always one step forward, 3 steps back. Its a really frustrating place to be.

I have to be honest and say that this time, I don't think I've completely learned the lesson yet to share with you all, but I'm hopeful for a part II (hopefully soon!) to be able to shed some light on this. What I am realizing that the concept of really waiting on the Lord is a bit more complicated than it might seem. I don't have the desire to step outside of any of the things God asked me to do in rebellion, or to attain what I'm looking for by any ungodly means. But I have found myself having really honest conversations with God saying what is in my way here? I've been doing what you ask, looking to you, and equipping and preparing myself to handle the new workload and chapter when I get there. It's like a parent saying to a kid "You can go play outside once you finish your plate, do your chores and clean your room" but once all that is done, hearing OK good job, but keep waiting. It's a hard place to be and to understand. Especially if you feel you've been in that place for a few years.

Waiting generally just isn't fun. Especially when you've done so much to prepare for it first. No, after no, after no kinda gets to you. But I guess what I'm learning about myself through this, is how much of a fundamental change I have gone through. I tend to me a 'by any means necessary' and 'go hard' type of person, but God really took away that desire to approach this that way. On the other hand, I would say I'm not perfect and I have been saying a lot of probably annoying "whys" and "pretty pleases", lol. I get anxious sometimes and kind of want to throw up my hands and those dreams, but I'm learning a lot more about myself through this. Seems like for reasons that I can't control, I've been seeing a lot of "Nos" which I hoped woI also have been following a lot of my friends and colleagues on gchat, bbm, facebook etc, and it seems a lot of people are in a place where they feel stuck. It can be a bit depressing to be there at this time of year, when 1st of all its cold, and it may seem that everyone else is so happy. But ultimately as hard as it may be, or as unhelpful as it may seem at the time, we have to let God's word be our strength.

The Bible says “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” [Matt 19:26] and I really cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I guess I may have to just close my eyes and trust it's there.
*closes eyes*
_

Yes. This picture pretty much sums up what I've been feeling lately, lol. While some things are moving along, there are those annoyances that keep creeping up and messing up my flow. Rail, car and bus traffic in the most inopportune times, piled on work that feels like its just not getting done, miscommunications, headaches, painful muscle spasms.........the works. That's been the last few weeks for me. That's not to say I didn't have high points, like spending time with some special people at a conference this weekend, or working on fun events, but it's just been feeling like some key things that are important to me are just not happening, and that I have no control over them.

frus·tra·tion (noun):
a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs

Anyone who really knows me knows that I don't like to unload my burdens on others, but last night and today, I had to call it in to a few people. I'm stressed. I've got stuff happening at work that's been difficult to navigate around, people that are pulling complete 360s on me and attacking my whole character because of one misunderstanding, trains which never run late, running super late when I choose to take that to get to work a little earlier (and end up getting there later)...............I've just been feeling attacked all around and like I can't do anything right. How can I be hustling so hard each day, trying to accommodate others so much and still end up here? It's crazy. Sorry if I'm venting a bit, lol. Unlike other posts, I'm still actually in the middle of it and not quite at the end of it yet. But I think that's where the strength of everything God's laid on my heart is coming from.

I will lift up my eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord who created heaven and earth ~Ps 121:1-2

For one, I have found myself for the past few weeks stuck in this frustrated place, and finding it harder to really pray and dwell in His presence longer. I talk to God throughout the day, but my worship hasn't been the same. I guess, I haven't looked to praise really as the source of my help in all of this. It's been praying solely to thank God for the things that have been going well, and out of habit, but not really laying everything at God's feet to handle. I do have a hard time laying down my burdens in general for others to handle, but I'm learning that I really need to intentionally do that more to get the right guidance from God to help me make the right decisions to get myself out of it.

Even as I'm saying this, I'm recognizing that sometimes its really hard. Sometimes[at least for me] it feels like the very thing you've been praying for each day is what is falling apart the worst. Its the one thing that you can't see your way out of, and you keep trying to do your best with it, but nothing seems to be coming through. A good mentor of mine mentioned a few pearls to a group of us a church these past few weeks, and I'm starting to see the relevance to my own life. The first thing he said was

"If you can see it, its not faith"

Wow, that's deep. Especially for me, because it it my lack of seeing my way out of these things, and understanding what God is going to do next that's been getting me even more frustrated. The next thing he said which goes with it, is

"We need to have stubborn faith"

I'm really holding onto this, and imagining a stubborn child who just wants to grab a piece of candy off of the dining table which he's too short to reach. He jumps, and reaches and reaches, but once he realizes his inadequacies, he goes to the mom or dad for help to get it. Now, if its something he's allowed to have, the parent of course will give it to him, but if this kid already has rotten teeth, or if the candy has some grossly unhealthy ingredients or side effects, the kid won't have it, but for his own good. I'm really working on having that stubborn faith, and believing that all things really are working for my good. Its really hard to see that the bad annoyances are working for your good. Its super duper easy when you're on the other end of whatever hill you just climbed to say oh, it wasn't that bad, but somehow in the middle of it, it feels that bad, lol. But I'm trying to learn to have a more holistic and long term focus, because I know that's what God is working on. He has more than enough grace to fill my inadequacies, and his thoughts of me are greater than I can imagine, regardless of what others think or say about me. He has his own ways of placing and removing things from my life, and His judgement will always be right. I'm using this time as a weightlifting class for my faith. He sees the whole picture, and its bright, so I have to just see God and know that my future is bright in His hands.

As always, as I'm encouraging myself, I hope this encourages you through whatever may be happening with you as well. I write as I grow, and I pray that we all keep growing!

Praise God, everyone! I'm writing today with a heavy heart, but giving God the glory in spite of it. This week was a pretty hard week for me, but also a week of deep reflection as I along with tons of others mourn the loss of our good friend and mentor, Robert Mozia who was buried this morning.

I first met Bobby when I entered the pre-freshman program just before beginning of our freshman year at Penn. We connected because we were both Nigerian, both in the engineering school, both from NJ and my future roommate went to High School with him. But most of all, our friendship continued because  Bobby had a very infectious attitude and was so cool (as evidenced by his shades in the graduation picture above, lol). He was a joy to be around, made friends with many people and also became a mentor to many people while there. After graduation, he was admitted to Cornell to pursue a PhD, and I was so happy for him! It was something I personally felt I could never do.....even more engineering? Wow, I admired him for that and was looking forward to calling him Dr. Mozia. I knew he could make it, and that's part of the reason that the news of his death was so shocking.

I've been meditating, crying, and praying over this this week, and it came to me, that I can take quite a few life lessons from his life, some of which are Biblical lessons:

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." ~Romans 12:18
I think its pretty safe to say that Bobby had a huge heart, and never argued with anyone. He went out of his way to do things for people, make people laugh and just keep all conversations peaceful. I can not really remember a single time that Bobby really was angry at someone, or held any malice about anything. And in a college setting, with all of the drama, group work assignments and more, its pretty difficult to find that many people with that demeanor towards others.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." ~Mark 12:30-31
I remember when I first started church hopping on campus freshman year, that I could always at least count on heading to mass with Bobby. It didn't stick because I am not catholic, or too familiar with it, but it was encouraging to know someone who made an effort to go, and it encouraged to to do the same. Bobby also loved just about everyone, and was not afraid to show it. I remember Bobby getting me and my old roommate gifts randomly during our freshman year,  never expecting anything in return, and I also learned today at the funeral that Bobby did the same with his family whenever he travelled. On a personal note, I especially remember getting the "little sister" treatment all of the time, even though, technically, I'm a few weeks older, lol. Bobby would always walk me back to my dorm, even when I insisted that I'd be alright since we were only on campus, and he did this for many other girls too. I remember a few times when he questioned me about guys, or even chased a couple away when he didn't think it was a good idea. He just wanted everyone to be safe. And he also was a very loving mate to his girlfriend Liz. It was awesome getting to see their relationship develop, and to see such genuine love.

I could go on and on about Bobby, but the two notes above are the ones which resonate the most with me, and were the most memorable. How awesome is it to be remembered that way? Its obvious how great of a man he was, because the testimony of all of his friends and family agree so accurately. Always smiling. Always going out of his way for others. Infectious laughter. Intelligent, driven and hard working. It breaks my heart, but its encouraging and motivating at the same time to be able to say that I knew him, someone who led such a great life and touched so many in only 24 years. I just wanted to share this bit with you, because death is also something that we all have to deal with as Christians, and I'm starting to figure it out. I always like to use this blog as an outlet for what I'm learning from others, and as I grow, in hopes that others can be inspired and take something from it as well. I'm a bit all over and scatter brained today, so I really hope that you did! And in case you are interested, you can read a bit more about him in this Cornell Sun article.

Bobby, it was so hard saying goodbye today, and really having to accept it. There were so many people there who loved you. Your family loved you. All of your friends loved you. Your teachers and coaches. Your mentees. You touched so many by just being you, and I will never forget but be motivated by all you were able to do. Your deep desire for education, and to reach back and help others as you moved up. Your positive attitude and huge heart. You inspire me, and I'll continue to hold on to that until we meet again on the other side. Rest in peace Bobson.

Happy Friday everyone! I feel so blessed to be writing again, and I must start by explaining the reasons for my month long hiatus. I know I missed 1-2 updates on here, but I was a bit discouraged by the small increase in visitors I was getting for my last two posts. I figured there was no point in writing if only a couple people were reading, but during this time I found that everything felt different since I wasn't writing. I didn't have that outlet which was even affecting my own closeness with God and the word. Interesting right? Well, everything happens for a reason, I took my pearl from that lesson and I'm back to writing!

So, what's with the topic: "I know what the Bible says, but let's talk reality." As always these things are inspired by personal areas of growth that I've identified, and also by things I hear. The amazing thing about this quote, is that it isn't unbelievers that use it. Its people that we go to church with. In a lot of cases, its even the radical ones who have everything to say if you don't give God a capital G when spelling, don't wear exactly a 3/4 length skirt, or don't hold your Bible in the air while praying. Interesting right?

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." (2 Tim. 3:16)

The scripture passage I pulled this time is pretty short, but gives a whole lot to reflect on. Do we really believe this? That's the main question. It doesn't matter how well you know what the Bible says, what matters is if you believe its true. If you only believe it in part, well the next question is does comfort and convenience affect what you choose to believe and discard? I find that a lot of times, it does.

Case in point. I've had people blatantly tell me that its going to take forever for me to get married because if I choose to be abstinent. These were not just people, but they were Christians, and in some cases people that I've gotten in other debates about Christian topics before. Now why do they say this? Well, generally the reasoning is somewhere along the lines of "Well, you know how men are" or some crafty excuse like "He'll think that you think he's a fool" or even the ever famous "If he isn't getting it from you, where do you think he's getting it from?" The worst part is that when, my response is "God calls us to abstain from that, so I want to do that from now on, and with whoever I choose to date" I get snapped at with "Hey, you're not the only one who knows what the Bible says, I'm just telling you how it is." So man knows how it is more than God? Did He ask us to do anything impossible? The issue here is that for anyone who truly believes what the Bible says, you know that the Bible FIRST calls you not to be unequally yoked, meaning that you find someone who wants to walk with God........for real, not just for 2 hours on Sunday. That means that both people won't be willing to sacrifice their salvation for temporary satisfaction with, or for the other because God is first.
I'll also take some time out to make a brief tangent that just because you've fallen before doesn't mean that you can't get back up and walk in accordance to what God says. It's not about having a perfect past, but about incorporating your understanding of God's will as you grow in him.

That was a more straightforward example of people separating God's will and reality, and really we can take that into almost any topic; drunkenness, adultery, abuse etc. I just chose the above example because its what I've heard the most recently. But to peel back an extra layer, many of us do this by lacking trust in what God asks us to do. "I know the Bible tells me that whatever I ask for, and believe that He will do for me will come to pass, but........." See that word but is pretty dangerous. That's because a lot of times, whatever comes after it is due to a lack of faith. God wants us to walk by faith, but I at least personally find that its hard to do, and sometimes I just want to walk by sight. Referencing the picture I chose for this post, I want to see some sort of fruit before I do anything. Even sometimes after I've gotten instruction from God, its easy to hesitate unless I see some physical evidence that where I'm going is right and will prosper - and that's wrong. That again is relying on man more than God. God alone knows what lies in the future, so we have to learn to rely on God.

There's something that I wanted for a very long time, that I've been praying for, and is an area that I've had quite a few disappointments in the past. So whenever an opportunity comes up, I automatically go into calculating mode, trying to figure out on my own if it'll prosper this time. "Yea, yea, I know that God doesn't see things as man sees them and he may just need me to follow this time, but I just don't know whats over there." "I know about the story where the Jews followed God into what they thought was in barren land after leaving Egypt, but God provided them with manna and even at times with water from unsuspecting rocks,....................but this is risky, and I need to see where I'm going" These are thoughts which have come into my head about the doubts that I had about where God was leading my future - and not only is it wrong, it actually doesn't make sense when you take the time to really acknowledge that God knows everything, including the future and that we have a limited view. It's like someone who's been hanging below the deck of a ship all day and can't see where they are suddenly coming upstairs and telling the captain that they need to change direction. I'm learning more and more to just let go and let God do the leading. I'm learning what trusting Him and His word really means..............and for starters, it doesn't always mean taking the easy way out.

I'm learning to really trust and let go, and want to encourage you to do the same! Let's trust that the word of God is real, not conditional and that it was given to us by someone who knows us, the world and our futures more than we do. That's the first step to progressing towards your destiny. *Feyi takes one step forward* Anyone with me?

Praise God! I'm so excited to get back into writing! It's been quite an interesting week, and I'm glad to say that I was both amused, and educated by what I observed over that period of time!

As we all know, a girl named Irene recently stole all the good spots on every news channel, newspaper and radio station over the past week along the east coast. We on the east coast are not used to this weather and everyone really freaked out when first hearing the news. People bought out what seems like every single C and D cell battery, bottle of water, canned good and candle from every store nearby. Being that this happened right after the earthquake in VA, which we also felt up here in the metro NY area, many people even thought it was the rapture (side note: These things have been happening in other places for years, but once it happens in NY its the rapture? #justcurious........ ;)         #endsidenote  )

Anyway, everyone I know was freaking out...............except for this pesky little squirrel which keeps nibbling on our plants to sharpen its teeth and leaving a mess of the shredded buds. Even on Saturday afternoon, when the clouds started coming in and nature started sending its pre-warnings, I saw the squirrel going about its business, making a mess, and hopping and scurrying around so worry free. I remember shaking my head, laughing and saying to myself, "This poor thing has no idea what's about to happen to it.........well at least that'll be the end of tree buds in my yard!" At that moment I remembered the scripture:

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31"So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  ~Matt 6:25-31

So I was kind of like, "OK God, I stand corrected. The squirrel will be fine"..................but the truth is, in my inner heart, I had already said bye to that squirrel. I didn't really believe because I didn't see how this little squirrel with no house would weather big bad Irene.

Well, below is a picture of my backyard post-Irene. As you can see, a whole bunch of leaves were ripped down from trees during the storm, and the yellow arrow points to a giant branch which broke off of another tree and ended up on our fence......... and guess who is still scurrying around my backyard in the red circle to the left? (forgive the quality, had to take it real quick through the window before it ran away!)

I really think its about time I name this stupid squirrel, because it seems he(or she) really just likes hangin out with us. The other red circle also features a tiny bird that was camped out and observing the damage in our backyard too. I remember being in my pjs, in the dark at home (we and about 5 other towns lost power because a local power supply blew up in the middle of the storm) and working with my dad to rig the car of some sort of electricity to charge my phone when I looked outside and saw these animals just playing around. "Alright God, I see what you're saying."

This comes at an interesting time for me, because I'm guilty of having worried a lot lately. I'm working on a charity fundraiser, and though I have a plan, I'm worried about making it really elegant while still being able to raise enough money for the cause. I worry about work. I worry about my business and if it's growing fast enough, I worry about my relationships; both horizontal and mentoring and if I'm doing the right thing. Sometimes, especially when I'm coming off a fast food binge, I even worry about what my next meal is gonna be..........and the list goes on. The funny thing is, I really doubt that I'm the only one.

I took some time (or rather was forced to take time while sitting with no TV, internet, and having to manage the juice levels in my phone) to really reflect on the outcome of my situations when I don't worry vs. when I overthink things, and I've really come to see that sometimes when you just live worry free, following your gut, aka the desires God lays in your heart, pretty amazing things happen. When I've chosen to block out the worry of being rejected and boldly introduced myself to people, I've made some really strong personal and professional bonds which have produced good things. When I blocked out the initial worry of having my first event where I had to invest a few thousand financially, I just did it and God blessed it with enough to cover the cost and fund the charity cause. When I blocked out the fear and chose to continually attend a church where everyone seemed to fall into a  click but me, I eventually found a great church home, friends and restored relationship with God. What happened during the times when I worried?...... Well, I can think of a time I gave myself a migrane, a time when nothing happened, but I wonder now what could have been, and a time where the thing I was afraid of happened, but it really wasn't that bad........the worry was actually the worse part.

I love how the Bible is always relevant. Even if you've read the Bible cover to cover multiple times, it doesn't get old because it ministers to you differently each time. It becomes less of a theory, and becomes easier to see it in practice each time. (side note: God isn't a theory. I repeat, God is not a theory, and neither are the instructions in the Bible. It seems that with many things which we're told to do in the Bible whether it be not worrying, not having sex before marriage, not holding grudges etc, many of us nod and clap at the theory when we hear it in church, but when we're faced with things in practice, it all goes out of the window with a simple "no, this is different." or my favorite "let's put God aside and talk about reality." God and reality are the same! He isn't a theory, Amen? #endsidenote)

I was in the Hamptons with my friends the other weekend, and we were at dinner when my mind wandered off to a place it had no business being in during what was supposed to be a fun dinner. One of my friends noticed that I was quiet so she asked me to move from the end of the table to be next to her. I was still in the clouds for a while, until she tapped me and reminded me ,"Hey, stuff happens every day but we're here chillin in the Hamptons. There's really no use spending so much time being worried and being upset. Regardless of what's bothering you, worrying about it now won't do you any good, so you might as well put it aside and enjoy your life." That was pretty wise advice, and a bit unexpected because I wasn't expected to be called out like that about it. Not that everyone heard what she said, no one did, but she called me to action, and told me to put it aside. She pretty much was putting the ball in my court to change it, instead of encouraging me to hold on to that emotion. Its interesting because Jesus gives us a similar charge in the verse above. Its so easy to get wrapped up into the details, but he wants us to enjoy our time, and not spend it all calculating our futures as we're so naturally inclined to do. Needless to say the rest of my Hamptons trip was a lot of fun, and so was the rest of my week! Let's take a note from the giddy squirrel (who refuses to leave) and take heed to what Jesus tells us, and really make the decision to live happy lives! This goes beyond just having a smile to mask what you're feeling, but really enjoying our lives as much as we can! No use worrying when we have a God that will bring us out of the storm unscathed! Definitely easier said than done, but it can be learned! I'm learning myself. Let's do it yall! :D <<-- Cheese!

That was my personal pearl of the week. Hope you were blessed by it! Now.....any suggestions for names for the squirrel?

I'm sooooooooooooooooooo excited about blogging today! I know I'm always excited about it, but I'm particularly excited because I've been stewing over this one for a few weeks. God has really been showing me quite a few things and ways that I can be better,and I'm excited to share it with all of you!

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
-2nd Corinthians 12:9

I absolutely love this image to the left which I snagged from Google images. I was double checking the citation for the above scripture when this image came up, which pretty perfectly illustrates the point that I want to elaborate on today.

I recently went to dinner with a few friends, one of which was younger and attends my church just for fun and to go over some details for my business. Somehow, we ended up talking for about 10 minutes on the business and the other 2 hours on life, mentoring siblings and relationship with God. That's just how He works sometimes. And I really thank God for it, because I learned so much from it.

One of the ladies who I took to dinner was headed away to college soon, which sparked some conversation about what college was like for me and my other friend there when we were away. I shared some experiences, good and bad, mistakes and lessons learned, and for some reason it all just came out really candidly. I also shared when I first started hearing God's calling on my life towards the end of my college experience and just how God really just took control and changed not only my actions, but even my desires. It was an interesting conversation, but what was more interesting was the response. This young lady first asked me a whole lot of questions: "How were you able to get to the point to stop hanging out and partying with certain friends and stay home alone instead?" "How did you have that courage, did they think you were crazy?" "Did they think you were for real?" This was really interesting because as she was asking me these things, God started speaking to me and letting me know that she had to know my testimony, and about my weaknesses to ask these questions, and see the realness of God's grace in my life, and how real He could be in hers as well.

So I went on and explained how I explained to people that I was changing my life and some people respected it, and some people mocked it with a "oh, so you're a pastor now?" but the bottom line was that I knew where I was going, but I had to move 1st and not just talk about it for people to see and understand that it wasn't just a phase. This girl began to explain that a lot of times, young people tune spiritual leaders out because its difficult to relate to what they are saying since many times 'people act like they do not struggle with the same weaknesses'. As a leader in my church, its easy to get defensive and respond without thinking about what she was actually saying, but for some reason God had me in a really receptive place this day. Now I did correct it and let her know that its not always easy for anyone to put their business out there, especially because you don't want anyone to repeat your mistakes. However, I also had to think about what she was saying, and at the core, she was letting me know that young people have a hard time relating to their leaders, and essentially, understanding how God's grace can be relevant to their own lives. I thought about it some more, and God really held me down with some awesome comparison points to help me understand better:

-When someone close to someone passes away, everyone says 'sorry for your loss', 'I'm praying for you' etc. And the person in mourning generally nods and says thank you and moves on to the next person. Sometimes it feels like just another comment, and it doesn't really sink in. But once someone comes to them and says something like , 'I know exactly how you're feeling, my mom passed away 2 years ago,' that same person in mourning opens up, asks questions about how they coped and really finds solace and strength in speaking to that other person. Think about it.

-When we were kids [and maybe even sometimes now, lol] we all had those moments where we felt our parents had no idea what we were feeling or going through, either by assumption or by their response to something we told them. Then after this, we generally don't bring those issues up with them again or listen to their advice on those topics. Right? Now, let's think about why we didn't think they could relate. In most cases, its because they didn't level with us first in maybe saying "Yea, I got a C once, but with a bit of tutoring and hard work, I pulled my overall grade back up to the A range." They went straight to essentially waging a finger and saying "go fix it." Think about it.

There is a lot of power in leveling with people [which by the way doesn't mean agreeing with something that is wrong]. A life coach of mine said something to me once that I've held onto for a while. She said "You touch people's lives by being relatable. Imperfection makes us relatable." And there's so much truth to that. We all love and want to learn more about the underdogs who overcame something, or learned from a mistake. How much more are we then able to show the power of God in our lives by showing people the way God makes us better? About how God turned us from crackheads to choir girls, or turned our self hatred into confidence? When you go straight to "I am a choir girl today' or 'I love myself today' a large piece of that same testimony is lost. There isn't much strength in hiding our flaws and putting up a perfect front. It's hard for anyone to see what weakness God made strong.

So, back to my dinner the other day. I kept discussing with the group about different things that happened with me, and eventually got to the day that I surrendered it all to Christ. It was during worship at church, and it was the first time I felt His spirit on me and was amazing. I wanted to continue that feeling every day, so I started setting some morning time aside each day to just pray and worship and it was great. Until one day, I fell again. I was back to doing something that I knew was wrong, and I couldn't really bring myself to sing or pray for too long anymore. It was like when you do something to hurt your significant other, and you dread going back into their presence to explain yourself. I was sorry, but didn't feel like I really deserved to be back in His presence, so I just didn't go for a while. But eventually, I had to realize that His mercies truly are new every morning, and that's one of the many things that make Him different and greater than any person. And He could stand there for as long as he wants with outstretched hands offering me His grace, but if I didn't reach out to accept it, I wouldn't have it. So I prayed, confessed and worshiped and let that be the end of that. Of course, that wasn't the last time I ever sinned, but I learned to not let Satan keep me captive because of it. And then finally this young lady opened up and told me that this was how she felt sometimes, just not wanting or being able to pray, or go into His presence, but that she was happy to hear that someone else felt that and was able to get over that, so she can too. This definitely brought a smile to my heart, and also a lesson that God can use anyone, and use what the devil meant for evil for good. It's just up to me to share and boast in my weaknesses to show the world how God makes me strong. I probably would not have been able to get to a place to discuss this with her or anyone else without first sharing, and putting a few cards on the table. It would have been a very theoretic conversation. But sometimes, showing a theory in practice makes it real, helps people understand it better, and how to relate it to their own lives. If every Math class was just a teacher putting an equation on the board, we'd probably be in trouble in the medical, technology and science spaces. But we know what we know because these teachers gave us the theory, and then walked us through examples and scenarios. Sometimes, its important to do this when talking about God's presence in our lives as well.

It's interesting to read just a bit earlier in 2nd Corinthians 12, where Paul says "I will not boast about myself except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say." - v5-6 I think this is interesting because he's essentially saying that he wants to stay leveled with others, where he shares his weaknesses, but [as v 9 alludes to ]everyone still sees good fruit and understand that it is God that is granting the correction and growth in His life. It's also interesting because anyone who know's Saul/Paul knows his story, and where God brought him from because he told it so many times, boasting to everyone about how God brought him from killing Christians, to preaching and spreading the gospel. We all draw inspiration from this, but how many of us inspire others in the same way? I know I don't really measure up. Like I always say, I'm blogging as I'm learning, not because I have it all right. The story above was one of the first, but by His grace it won't be the last, because I'm learning and growing in Him!

So back to the image above. Let's show everyone that God is merciful. That isn't to condone sin, or say anything that isn't true, but show people that it isn't too late to be free from it. Redemption, grace and forgiveness is for everyone. Remember THAT'S the good news that we'rechaLet's stretch out our palms and show everyone the grace that God has given us and how He makes us strong. There's so much power in that testimony. Amen?